This is me starting what I would consider a regular blog post. For those who have read my stuff before, I mostly publish creative writing, specifically in the forms of poetry and fiction. Though because poetry is in most cases shorter it has definitely leaned towards poetry. Regardless, I won’t get offended if you get offended by that as I know that I’m simply starting my readership.
I thought though that I would write a little bit about myself and kind of some of the things I’ve been thinking about lately to give you an idea of who I am as a person.
So, here’s one of the things that’s easy to start with. I personally placed a challenge on myself that I would write and publish something everyday this month (starting on the 2nd). If you look through my current month’s post, you will notice some days are missing. I have already failed in this challenge, yet I still want to aim to do it. If you’re wondering, I am not a very consistent individual. In fact, I would definitely consider myself more of a spontaneous, creative individual. That’s probably why I chose to make those two words to be part of the little mantra that appears on the site.
While I am like this, I will be first to admit that a lot of creativity, sometime spontaneously so, can come from being consistent and doing the right things all the time or more so of. I also would admit that I would be a lot closer to where I would like to be if I could simply practice consistently doing the right things in my regular life. The challenge mentioned previously was to help me do that. I would consider this a character flaw of mine which would make me more human if I was talking about myself as a character in a story.
In most groups I’ve been in, I would not consider myself the “normal” person in the group. In high school, I went to a school that as far as extracurricular activities go and what was focused on by the school, it was all about sports. I was one of only a few people in my class that spent time in more artistic pursuits, the only one who spent time writing, as their main form of it. In the family, I am a child that has one side that has a lot of family adversity while the other has less of such things but has other issues all on their own. In my job during college (which was a job filled with college students), I was shocked by how few people knew at least one thing they wanted to accomplish while I had been slowly building my list.
By the way, my dream includes, among other things, to be able to someday be a published author (especially of fiction and poetry), to be able to make enough money to where my future wife can choose whether to work or not, to be able to have enough time to spend and build a relationship with my future children and wife as well, to be able to inspire others to reach out for their dreams as well and become better individuals, and a number of other things that go into it that I couldn’t possibly list. All of this being a way that I can praise my God and emulate Him in my own life (I am Christian by the way so that’s going to end up as part of it no matter what).
Other people have also told me that they’ve come to expect of me a little bit of a “expect the unexpected” kind of philosophy. In as short of a phrase I can put it, “I’m weird, big deal.”
What bothers me is when my spontaneity and the consistency I know I need work against each other. It’s this dichotomy of self in me that I truly cannot stand. I’ve asked myself many a time how I could have such wonderful aspirations and expectations of myself and not just make myself do the things that will get me there. I sometimes think I am worse than those who I’d met that had no such things because the very fact that I have them means I am even more responsible for where I am now. I’d never give them up because they mean so much to me, but I wonder why that does not then translate itself to action. It’s hard! It isn’t easy to do what’s right though it’s always right to do what’s right. How come, for someone else’s dreams, I will bend over backwards, but for my own, I won’t even lift a finger. It’s shocking to me.
I think this is actually a problem that a lot of people have. If we didn’t, there wouldn’t be so many songs and stories of both regrets and good intentions that never made it past that. I have to agree with someone I heard speak one time that intentions truly mean nothing, only action does.
I might continue this another time, but for now, this is probably enough.